Acousticlilly

Modest is the Hottest & Other Etiquette

During my trip in Seattle, I thought a lot about proper etiquette. I met rude, creepy guys on the street, some gentlemen who carried out respectful conversations with me, & some very sweet & admirable women in shops… The way we present yourselves has such a huge impact because it can either expose so much selfishness & evil, or God & His grace.

It made me think a lot about some sorority girls & frat boys I’ve seen back at USC. It’s really sad to see the way some girls just present themselves, that some just don’t care & will wear anything & do anything to somehow be liked… can’t we all agree with my friend, Malpal that “Modest is the hottest”…?? & that if you dress immodestly, you will get immodest guys? if you dress immodestly, you will stumble others & people will be attracted to your body rather than you/your mind/spirit. but if you dress modestly, people will be attracted to you by the way you respect the body that God’s given you….& I don’t know about you, but I would definitely prefer a man who sees more than bad flesh.

& with that, I spent more time reading through Etiquette books in the book stacks of the Seattle Public Library (um, gorgeous). There was a huge selection, basically all British/French inspired & from the 1960’s & before. Sadly, even the simplest table manners & importance of timeliness is completely lost these days.

But then I realized how great & sufficient Proverbs 31 is. It’s a great book on everlasting basic etiquette & is much smaller & straightforward than those 400 page books on outdated proper etiquette. Proverbs 31 has been lasting for so many centuries…..& while many of the proper etiquette advice in these books have died out (men walking closer to the street, men opening doors for women), the general points found in Proverbs 31 remains applicable & everlasting.

I’ve already wrote out some notes on Proverbs 31, Titus 2:2-5,  and some characteristics of a Godly Woman, but I don’t think I can emphasize enough how important it is for women to use Proverbs 31 as a role model/guideline. With our surroundings, with all the bad media out there, it is so, so important to dress & present yourself modestly. It guards you, & others, from so much bitter deceitfulness & disappointment that many of us easily & repeatedly fall into.

Proverbs 31, The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

14 She is like the ships of the merchant;

she brings her food from afar.

15 She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

17 She dresses herself with strength

and makes her arms strong.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

19 She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

20 She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet

22 She makes bed coverings for herself;

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them;

she delivers sashes to the merchant.

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.

Responding with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, & patience

While I left my house for a week, one of my closest friends picked me up & took me out for lunch. He grew up with parents very similar to mine, & almost every time we meet up, he talks about family. It’s a very sensitive topic to me. He tries to convince me to leave my family behind & to live my “own life.” I always tell him “no, I can’t do that because….” 

I think he likes to share his thoughts about family to me because we’ve been hurt by our parents & he thinks I can relate to him. I tell him that even though my parent did not treat me the same exact way, we cannot hate our parents. He tries to convince me that our parents don’t deserve forgiveness for all the crap they did. But I tell him that nobody deserves anything because we’re all messed up. & I’m sure that there is someone out there who suffered/is suffering more than us…. but who still forgives & loves. (I wonder who??)

& I listen to his rant about his [parent]… how he hopes they suffer, how he hopes to kill this person someday. & it disturbs me. i can barely listen. but i try my best to listen & I wait for him to finish.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy & beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, & patience..” -Colossians 3:12

I can tell he is so hurt. my mind races with so many thoughts…. I want to say no to so many things. I have to protect myself from what he says because I sometimes want to think the same way about my parents. But I am fortunately able to filter it out & replace it with Truth. I know that we must always obey, love, & respect our parents, with the only exception of them trying to get us to sin. (Colossians 3:20, & listen to Guiterrez’s great msg on family worship)

I try to be as careful as possible with my words, to not be hurtful, & to not use “Christian-ese” words like “Truth, flesh, repent, Holy Spirit, etc,” especially because he has stopped going to church.

Instead, I simply ask him, “okay, well does talking about all of this make you feel any better? does it help you or anybody else? it prob makes you feel good for a bit, but does this last? ….You say you deserve better treatment, but how does your perspective & way make you deserve better treatment?”

& he talks more, but I am done. I am drained & that’s all I had to say. Our conversation slowly ends after that. Conversations like this isn’t a debate. I hate arguing & going in circles.

It isn’t a “you are wrong. i am right. because I am following God.” (My dad and I’ve hated that type of arrogant evangelism since we were agnostic)

It is more like “we are both wrong. God is right. we both have to follow.”

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself & take up his cross & follow me.” -Matthew 16:24

Life with arch studio, life without arch studio

So many people ask me why I didn’t take studio last semester & if I dropped to the 4 year program. My main answer for everyone is that I needed to take a break from studio (personal family issues), but am still pursuing the 5 year B.Arch program. I am making up studio this summer & am jumping right back up to graduate with my architecture studiomates (spring 2014) 

After a family crisis in Spring 2011, I found it extremely hard to focus & manage time. Managing studio is already difficult as it is. & I became so overwhelmed with studio & family that not only my grades were getting screwed over, but also my physical, mental, & spiritual health.

As much as I love productivity, I realized that I needed to drop something temporarily. & studio was it. I spent weeks trying to convince the arch. student services to allow me “drop” studio for one semester & make it up in the summer (99% of the time it’s not allowed). & they eventually did. I am so grateful for it. Anyway, I’d like to share all the great lessons I’ve learned from this transition & am going to bring back to the studio.

1. Before I temporarily dropped studio

I finished fall semester/2011 extremely exhausted & weak. I realized that I was working to please everybody. & of course, people let me down & I never reached my/their standards. I relied on specific people for comfort. & I was so disappointed & messed up in almost all areas. 

 One major thing I looked forward to was to humble & calm myself… to really just have some peace in my life with all the chaos from studio (allnighters, deadlines, deadlines, deadlines) & family (financial insecurity, court/legal paperwork, consistent fights)

I wanted to stop everything I was doing wrong & grow more hope/faith in God. I wanted to live with a more peaceful, clearer, & gracious mind. Through more devo time… through perceiving Him as a gracious & loving Comforter.

2.  While I temporarily dropped studio

Because I still wanted to be productive, I registered for 3 classes in place of it… I  had a total of 7 classes (bad idea?) , I wanted to take classes I otherwise couldn’t take with studio: ballet, choir, & chinese. I also needed to work more (Woodshop assistant, Physics lab assistant, & intern @ AITstudio) because I lost family support & had to pay for my higher living expenses.

From my experience of having studio vs. a ton of classes + work, both demand a ton of time & sleep. Whether/not I had studio, I was still sleep deprived. But I learned that the big benefits for not taking studio included:

1. More availability (time & energy) to care for/love others. This included: Woodshop accidents & injuries, classmates who need help with projects, feeding people, meeting up with & listening to people

2. Meeting a variety of people outside the architecture bubble. I…loved it. I made so many beautiful friends, younger & older, Christian & non Christian, asian & non asian.

3. More available & quality time to spend with my mom & friends back at home. Yeah… my mom’s/my relationship has always been dysfunctional, but I think in the long run it’s been building up.

4. A clearer mind (even though I still had tons of clutter). I interned, learned Revitt, & worked with a licensed LEED/architect & missions leader. This gave me a clearer idea of the Architecture profession. & I learned that I definitely do not want to be an Architect.

5. Making the most out of my jobs. I worked more hours at the woodshop, physics lab, & AITstudio. During the time of family chaos, the environment & my coworkers encouraged me to think of creative ways to help & love people, whether it’s nailing/cutting wood for girls & guys or wrapping & protecting a bloody hand with a finger nearly cut off. Being the only girl in all of my jobs taught me to maybe cry for a bit, but to soon shut up & move on… because there is no point in dwelling & self-pitying yourself. the only thing we could/should do is look up & follow. That is practical. That is progress. That is Truth.

Above all the promises that I’ve learned to love & believe, I think the major one that I truly experienced that sums it all up is:

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:13

Seek ye first the kingdom of God
& His righteousness
& all these things shall be added unto you
Allelu, alleluia